What Disney did with Star Wars should have gone to jail

Image: Reading/Disney

I’m not going to start with “Star Wars 7”, the first of the Disney era, because I I have already written about him when it came out – basically the movie is identical to the original Star Wars, only worse. I won’t even go through the rest of the franchise. If you are reading this text, it is because you are interested in the saga – the franchise sucks – and you must have seen them all. And you already know that aside from Rogue 1, it’s a whole bunch of gigantic bullshit on a level where the second (first) trilogy was starting to look not so bad.

I’m really talking about “Boba Fett”. Boba Fett, as we know, is the guy who delivered Han Solo to Jabba the Hutt. And then he died. There seems to be a Boba Fett cult in the “Star Wars universe”, whatever that means. If you are a normal person, you have a life, you don’t know what it means and therefore you don’t know anything else about Boba Fett, because there is nothing else to know.

If you, like me, made the mistake of starting to see The Mandalorian, when you saw the guys’ armor, you definitely remembered Boba Fett, and deduced that the guy was one of between them. Whether it does or not, I couldn’t tell from the first chapter of the series – I won’t see the second.

The first chapter of “The Book of Boba Fett,” a title with clear religious associations, begins with a scene that should make anyone over 20 turn off the TV – or the phone, I don’t know where you watch your business. Why Boba Fett Dies in “The Empire Strikes Back”. Yes, die. It falls into the mouth of an “ultimate” monster, there it would be digested by the monster for 1,000 or 10,000 years, with indescribable suffering. There was no “more or less”, a “maybe”, that was it and that was it. The guy died, slowly, 200,000 years of suffering.

So if you want to use the guy because you paid dearly for him and that name is better known than, I don’t know, Jar Jar Binks, you have to resurrect him. Obviously, there’s no good way to resurrect a guy who fell inside a monster that, etc., etc. Disney, it is more than demonstrated, does not. It is, however, expected to have at least some respect for its viewers. This is not the case either.

It’s a spoiler, but it’s something like the first scene in the series: Boba Fett simply “wakes up” inside the animal in which everyone dies a horrible death and… it leaks . Who wakes up and leaves. But damn, Disney… Need to bring the guy back to life? He revives and he is gone, cannot be explained. There is something that cannot be explained. It’s not exactly a documentary, it just brings the guy back to life and lets go. Now will you explain? How is a guy who couldn’t live again? Obviously, there’s no way not to be shit. It’s a lot.

The second moment of the first chapter is a fight. The guy is now the badass of an empire but he takes to the streets just him and the “Chief Killer”, and without the helmets. Beauty, again, is not a documentary. What’s bad isn’t that they end up getting rid of six heavily armed guys. It’s just that there’s not even a concern to justify it. They get beaten up, all of a sudden the guys who were hitting start falling to the ground and dying. I just wonder what it refers to, something very bad in the back of my brain.

The straw that breaks the camel’s back, however, is the next fight. Not because of the combat, which is equally gruesome, but because of the sheer recklessness of the story. The guy is tied up, so he’s not tied up anymore. Yet he does not try to run away. But the problem, the real problem, is when “the monster” appears, the big guy he has to fight. Throughout the saga, the beast and the monster appear in all forms. What made the saga unique? The care in the forms, in the details. In the different “peoples”, in the animals, in the clothes. Each has its own language, each has a behavior that you will understand throughout the story. The monster from the first chapter of “Boba Fett”? It’s a monster from a Japanese series from the 60s. I swear, no bitch, Ultra Seven monster, Spectreman, well, if you don’t know it’s because it’s not old, but it’s here. If you think I’m a bitch, suffice it to say that my 16-year-old daughter, who I subjected to this bizarre attempt at entertainment, exclaimed as soon as she saw the animal: ” Dad, they look like those freaks from those Japanese shows you made people watch! And it looks like hell, and it’s exactly the same as I thought! A fucking lizard standing tall, giant, and the Dude kills like a dog. Want to know the worst? Kill EXACTLY THE SAME WAY Luke kills the beast in The Empire Strikes Back.

It’s not bad, it’s awful. Poorly done, lazy. Like everything Disney has done since the revival of the saga (minus Rogue 1). Don’t waste your time and let your friends know.

* Caio Maia is editor of F451, which publishes Gizmodo Brasil, and writes about the media.

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